Monday, December 21, 2009

marriage or mirage?

All of us {male/female} have been brought up by a lady, with or without the help of a man! Nowadays, an increasing number of married men are not helping in the raising of their children, financially or otherwise. This means, therefore, that the society is literally depending solely on the ladies for survival!

If you are not a ‘miss indipendent’ don’t even dream of getting married or even having a child. Being ‘miss independent’ means being able to financially bring up a child with or without the help of the child’s father.

Remember there are all types of men out there. Some will throw you out into the street when pregnant or with children; some will just not care whether you and your children ate or not; others will transform you into a football or a drum. A lot of them are ‘Tiger Woods’ minus the money and fame, of course. There are good men out there, but as with all good things, they are few and far between!

By the bye for majority of the ladies, marriage has become a hollow promise of paradise,a mirage!

'Executive power' over sex

Ladies have ‘executive power’ over the whole sexual process. They decide when and if ‘it’ will happen. Thus the idea that a teenie girl or any lady for that matter is so weak and that she can ‘’ingizwa box’ is not even funny! All she has to do is exercise the ‘authority’ and choose between C (chill) and C (contraceptive/condom). B is 4 bongolala or Bulls***. IN matters of sex, the only person a lady is supposed to be faithful to is herself!

Tuesday, December 1, 2009

ONLY Ladies can stop AIDS dead in its tracks!

Ladies have executive power over the whole sex process. They decide when and if it will happen!If only they could insist on A and C of sex- forget B- HOW, THEN, WOULD THE VIRUS BE TRANSMITTED?!

But then our ladies are 'weak' You just have to 'cheat' them or 'get them into the box' and they 'drop it like its hot'. Then the next morning they make a beeline for the E pills.


By the bye,in the famed ABC of sex B is for bullshit: the only person you are supposed to be Faithful to, or even trust is YOURSELF!!

Join me and lets break this weakness mentality. Facebook group "strength of a woman-kenya".

Sunday, August 16, 2009

Hillary CLINTON admits women are weak!

On her recent visit to Kenya, secretary of state Hilary Clinton exhorted the government to empower women. She probably had the idea of putting more women in positions of leadership.

This is quite a harmless statement, especially considering the fact that it’s the conventional ‘done thing’. I mean, it’s every other Tom, Dick and Wanjiku‘s ‘line’ on gender equality.

However, coming from her, the statement is actually an ADMISSION of how ingrained in the humanity’s psyche the idea of women as inherently weak is! Men, women and children (as individuals or as institutions and even governments) take this state of gender affair as axiomatic. In some cases, even animals such as cows will take no orders from women!

Given the foregoing, every gender equality discourse starts off on the premise that women can’t rather than won’t. The only route such debate can head is down begging- pleading- acquiesce- street! The gender activists beg, get down on their knees, plead, grovel, and wait for men and the society in general to volunteer to cede some crumb of empowerment to women. They will wait until the cows come home; it doesn’t have a snowball’s chance in hell of ever happening!

The gender equality battle will only be won if we get over this mindset. Let’s take Hillary Clinton’s case. Supposing she had waited for the government to empower her. Where would she be now (after all dont we know of many former first ladies who end up not amounting to much politically)? So we cannot use her having been a first lady as an excuse. We may also look at similar scenarios in Liberia‘s president, Sirleaf Johnson or the case of the late Aquino of Philippines.

Clinton seems not to have internalized Obama’s mantra: “Yes we can!” In our addresses let’s leave the government alone: Let’s urge ladies to get off their backsides and go get it! Let’s teach our girl child that it’s not that they can’t but wont!

Saturday, June 27, 2009

Violence against women:the vicious cycle

Many young women, especially in low income groups in rural Africa, get married to escape poverty at home. They believe anything is better than staying at home. Such women usually endure extreme physical and mental abuse, especially if the husband realizes that she has nowhere else she can go for help.

Most of these women have, at best the most basic level of formal education and at worst none at all. This means, therefore, that they are unemployable. They bring forth children who grow up in these poor conditions and receive minimum formal education. These children pray for the day they will move away from home and they latch on to the first person who proposes marriage, even in jest. They do not realize they are moving from the frying pan into the fire.

Incidentally, the same obtains in the case of families with abusive parents. The lack of parental love at home pushes the young girls into the arms of the first vagabond who promises them love. Most of these girls do not even finish school. Most of such unions end up even before they start (use and dump), and the girl ends up stuck with a few kids from the relationship.

Such children hardly ever see the inside of a formal education institution. They are raised amidst all the poverty with the dreams of ‘marriage the savior’ swirling through their na├»ve minds. They fall prey to the first person who promises them marriage and riches. And the rest is history.

Other girls will run away from home to get married in order to escape rules and regulations at school and at home. In other words looking for freedom and fun- pretty much like a young man running away from parental rules, and joining the army.

We need to exhort the queens in our lives to realize that marriage is probably worse than hell as a haven. Marriage should be a preserve for the strong and not for the weak, economically or otherwise.

Women should always make sure they have a fallback plan before they engage in the marriage business. The fallback position should include at least adequate formal education, and preferably should already be employed when getting married.

This would ensure that one can opt out of an abusive relationship and be able to take care of herself and the kids if the worst comes to the worst.

This is not about blaming the victim, its about exhorting the potential victims to take control of their lives.

Why most women-managers are cruel

News of elevation to a position of power is usually greeted with jubilation. But a woman, like all weak men, receives such news with jubilation mixed with trepidation.

This is because of two conflicting emotions: She believes she deserves it, and yet at the same time she fears she might disappoint in her new position. People have told her that she’s weak so often that she had internalized it and made it her reality.

In general weak people –reality or illusion- tend to make up for the weakness by being cruel, bitchy and heartless in the mistaken belief that that will make them be feared and, therefore, respected. In essence they confuse fear and respect. Nothing could be, even remotely, further from the truth!

What women managers overlook is one important fact: once you have executive power your subordinates know it. Trying to prove it to them by bludgeoning them on the head with it will just create fear rather than respect. In most cases, fear breeds resentment which later develops into resistance culminating in non- compliance and _sabotage.

This notion of weakness in women is so pervasive that even Connie Glaser, a “leading expert in gender diversity” in the US falls in it’s trap. In her article “get comfortable in your management skin” advices women: “as a new boss, it’s better to start out abit more tough than accommodating”. This gets one wondering, with friends like these do women really need enemies?! Connie Glaser should read about the experiences of one Julie Culwell. While manager of the editorial services at the coca cola company, she started of by distancing herself from the staff and keeping her relationship with them strictly professional. And she admits “in fact I was miserable and so was my @staff”, until she decided to become close friends with the team members.

Having served as a teacher and a boarding master, I can attest to the veracity of Julie’s facts. It is easier to even control a student who respects and considers you a friend, rather than one who merely fears you.

Most weak managers pull rank because in their heart of hearts they believe the subordinates are aware and therefore they won’t obey her/him. They see coercion or force as the only way out of the non-compliance dilemma. Such managers end up being concerned with position rather than in the efficacy of their management. It’s common to come across a principal who would expel a student who don’t fear her rather than a really rotten one who sees her and scrams!

This women’s “weakness theory” ends up, in the long run, affecting both males and females directly or indirectly. The people suffering the brunt of such a manager, as well as the other bosses conclude that women cannot be good managers. In short it’s a vicious cycle.

This women’s ‘weakness theory’ stems from socialization since childhood. That’s where we need to start addressing it. You have a daughter, a niece, a sister or any other young girl; it’s time to tell her she’s not that weak. She reports to you that another kid hit her, tell her what you’d tell a boy: if the kid hits you again, hit back. This is a good starting point. You can check out the rest in strength of a woman.

Saturday, May 23, 2009

The queens in a man's life

There are only three queens in a man's life. These are:
1. Mother
2. Sister
3. Daughter

You disagree? Let me hear about the others you might know.

Friday, May 1, 2009

FIDA on sex and politics

In their 'wisdom' FIDA has just come up with a panacea for all Kenya's political woes: forced 'chill' for all Kenyan men.

What they have suddenly realized is that there is something called 'women power' in politics. However they are going it the wrong way. For starters, the men to be subjected to the 'chill' voted and that's it! secondly, there's no way the men in question can get to Kibaki and Raila.

Thirdly, taking politics to the bedroom will just cause more heat than light.

There is a better way: Women in Kenya constitute about 52% of the voters, and since the shortcut to preventing post- election violence is by avoiding a presidential election, they can just tell the women voters not to vote. This will halt the murderous political system in Kenya!

Tuesday, April 7, 2009

Women need not be helpless!

Time and again, women find themselves all alone at home for various reasons: The partner may be off to work, the children may be at school.

I'll offer the advice given by one of the characters in L.L'Amour's novel, "comstock lode". "look about you, it's not necessary to have a gun or a knife...everywhere are weapons. Study your own room, your own neighborhood as if it was a battleground. Learn how to use it for your defence,for escape, for counterattack! Have a plan. Know what to do when he comes through the window..."

She tells a story of a woman who found herself alone and had no weapons. One night a robber broke into her home. "...she took the paint brush from the red paint pot and as he reached for her she slashed him across the eyes with her red paint brush! He opened his mouth to howl,and she thrust the brush down his throat,then she dumped the paint over his head and began flailing him with the empty bucket.

He fled, and the police caught him down the block in a sorry state... and she? Afew flecks of red paint on her flannel night gown!

Obama on Domestic violence

During the domestic awareness month, Obama stated that one in every four women will experiece domestic violence in her life time. However, statics mean s*?"! I mean, imagine you are 'the one in four' who gets the stuffing kicked out of,would it console you to know that at least there are three women who are not being clobbered?

The interesting nugget of information I gleaned from that speech was that "...these women could be people we love- a mother, a daughter or a sister" . Glaring omissions: a wife and a lover! I guess he knows that there are only three queens in a man's life. The rest, get a life !

By the bye, how would a lover or a wife know that her partner is a 'candidate' for Domestic violence category? The following links may help:

REMEMBER: Domestic violence is all about attempts at DOMINANCE by one partner! This essentially means that the person who commits the act has some kind of weakness and is trying to cover up. I am not telling you this so that you can feel pity, just FYI. You dont believe it?

Thursday, April 2, 2009

GENDER contradictions in the society

1.Almost all males of the human species ADORE their mothers and dote on their daughters. In the same breath most often look down upon the rest of the female gender some even going to the extreme of abusing them, their wives included!

2. Traditionally, men considered their daughters as less than valueless, and yet they comfortably transformed them into cash-cows, levying hefty dowry fees for the privilege of marrying them. In fact, men who didn't have daughters rarely had the luxury of marrying many wives as boys couldn't be "sold" to provide the dowry for the same.

"Strength of a Woman"

Did you know that?
(a) Generally, women live longer than men?
(b) It is almost impossible for men to carry a pregnancy for nine months and then survive the child birth?
(c) Very few men, if any, can multitask, a common phenomenon in women?
(d) Generally, men who are married (to women) live longer and healthier lives than single men?
(e) Majority of households in Kenya are run by women especially in this age of ‘absentee’ husbands?
(f) Very few men, if any, can successfully manage to raise a child as a single parent, a common phenomenon in many ladies?
(g) The first person to preach about Christ was a woman?
(h) You can go on and on with these kind of questions until you ask 21 questions?

In your 21 questions, is it possible to pinpoint something that remotely resembles a weakness? Because the last time I checked, women were not only just vessels, but weak vessels.. in fact this goes on to prove that women are actually more equal than men!

I am asking all the successful ladies out there (university/college students and lectures, business executives, employees (private and government institutions): How would you feel if I came up to you and told you that you are in that position just because you were favored over a male colleague and not because you are capable?

This is basically the translation of Affirmative action: 1 woman = ½ man. It advocates for the tilting of the playing field in favor of the better team; much like a match between Man U (women) Vs. Harambee Stars (men), which have exchanged uniforms. How would you even enjoy such a match?

This flawed perception of the female gender as weak has greatly contributed to gender- based violence especially one directed against women. You should always remember that any man who perpetrates violence against women/children has a weakness (either mentally or physically), and is trying to prove to himself that he is strong. He therefore seeks something weaker than himself to hit on. Since the ladies have been told they are weak they, therefore, neither defend themselves nor run away.

It is therefore time to change the perception of women as weak:
• If you call yourself a strong lady, back it up and make an effort to learn at least one basic physical defensive or offensive technique. Don’t get me wrong, I am not advocating for violence. But the Bible does not say that people who kill by the sword should be prayed for!

• I am encouraging girls’ schools to introduce defensive sports as a compulsory extra curricular activity.

• Parents with girls should treat them as strong human beings and not as weak vessels. They should make sure that they introduce them to defensive arts at the earliest opportunity. They should enable them to defend themselves.If you keep on telling a person is weak,and that she'll amount to nothing, rest assured that it will come true!

• I am planning in future to advocate for criminalization of the idea that a girl/lady can be ‘cheated’ into having irresponsible sex by a man! I am talking about future because currently some girls and ladies are still wallowing in the miasma of the ‘weak vessel theories’ so they can, conceivably, be ‘cheated’.

•Never agree to be part of the 30% being called for by Affirmative action theorists, unless you want to tell us you couldn’t make it through your qualification and capabilities.

For your own safety remember that “attack is the best form of defense”. This is because even if you accidentally got justice (it’s never guaranteed!), the damage will already have been done!